Resist Nothing

I’ve been having a lot of up and downs in my mood. I’ll be unbelievably happy one minute and then just come crashing down the next. Not like “I’m going to kill myself” but more like “hum….well I feel empty.” I normally don’t feel like this, I’ve always had my eyes set on what I want to do to keep entertained or from thinking to heavily but it feels like its been harder as reality sinks in deeper and deeper.

I want to be able to write but I can’t get what is in my head onto a document or even written down in short hand. Its frustrating. I know there is something I want more than anything but I can’t put my finger on it…Its confusing and at the same time perfectly clear. I think I don’t have enough to do as of late….not entirely sure.

I miss people. I miss my routine and I miss being able to keep myself happy even if everyone else is bitchy and moody. Not sure what I’m going to do…I can’t really call anyone up and just sit and talk with them because I end up talking about nonsense that doesn’t really get to the root of my issue. I think it might be a therapy blockade or something…maybe I put it in place so I wouldn’t be sent back to counseling or something. Its evil either way.

Maybe I really am just bored. If this was me 3 years ago I’d cut off ties with everything and slowly build new ones until I was comfy again. But I’ve far too much invested emotionally now to do that. I’ll figure it out eventually I’m sure..but for now it just sucks.